If you’re following this blog, you know I’m participating in the ‘30 Days of Truth‘ project I’ve seen on other blogs. It’s helping me commit to posting every single day, since I’m also taking part in The Daily Post project.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I forgive myself for all the times I resented driving to the city after school, or work, to sit beside you in your hospital room. I forgive myself for feeling bored watching that fucking hospital television set that never seemed to show anything good, and thinking how you were somewhere else, far away and not yourself. I forgive myself for the many times I must have looked at the clock, waiting to “punch out” and go home. I forgive myself for sneaking out of your room probably too often to go downstairs to smoke, or to masturbate in the first floor restroom, or to the record store – anything to get away from the reality of what was going on. I forgive myself for hating that hour drive each way. I forgive myself for only barely keeping it together when dad had to hold your head up while we wheeled you down to eat with the other patients, because you didn’t have the ability to do it yourself.
I forgive myself for being 16 and not always knowing what to do or how to deal with having to become an adult overnight.